This week, Josh and I are celebrating our fifth anniversary. When we first got married, everyone at our sheva brachot, after viewing our wedding livestream (you know, the era of COVID when no one knew if there would be another lockdown lurking around the corner), commented that we just looked so happy at our wedding. At the time, we were quite confused. Why wouldn’t we be happy? We had a really tough engagement, and the week before our wedding was no picnic. But at last, we had reached the day we were counting down towards. The beginning of our happily ever after. 

Since then it definitely hasn’t been an easy ride, but we’ve always found room to smile and make each other laugh. When we first got married, we learned what merging two lives into one household truly means. Josh grew up in a house where the hot water urn was used for winter shabboses while I grew up in a house where the urn was always on, rain or shine. So when Josh unplugged the urn and poured out the remaining water after our first married shabbos at home, I cried. I was counting on having hot water for my morning oatmeal. Needless to say, the urn has been plugged in ever since. It’s probably the first thing we did when we moved. 

Now, could I have just boiled water on the stove? Probably. Could Josh have just called me unreasonable? Also yes. But instead, I simply stated the expectation of the urn and Josh stated his, and then we moved on. Now it’s something we laugh about. This is just one example, but there were many ways in which we adjusted to living together for the first time. Even today, we still discover new things about each other, and it’s just as exciting as it was then.

Despite the passing years, the difficult times and stress, we still manage to find something to laugh about. Josh reads my weekly blog posts, and the toughest days somehow turn into the biggest laughs. I’m lucky not only because I found someone to share my life with, but because we see eye to eye in both silly and serious matters. Early on while dating, we had a conversation about how we could either let one bad thing ruin our day, or we could let it just roll right off and keep going. This has become a foundational mindset that keeps one bad day from turning into a bad week or bad month. We’ve learned how to get back up time after time after time. One day at a time, one step at a time. We lean on each other when we need to, and we are always there for a quick chat and some cookies-and-cream Ben & Jerry’s. To live a life with someone who can laugh when the dishes shatter, when we accidentally set things on fire, or when the plata ruins the shabbos food and we just have to make do, is truly special. 

Let’s be real, a strong marriage didn’t just fall into our laps and it definitely wasn’t an accident. Somehow through the chaos of a pandemic, aliyah stress, parenting, and endless paperwork, we built our relationship. Brick by brick. One difficult conversation at a time. Each week brought new challenges, but also opened the door to understanding one another better. We cultivated our relationship on shared values and unconditional love.  And that makes the tough moments sweeter. Knowing that I have someone who will look at me after an exhausting day and say “well that day sucked, but at least you’re by my side”. Being married to Josh is knowing that I always have someone who has my back. Someone who will tell me when I definitely need a shower or a fresh swipe of deodorant without being offensive. Someone who doesn’t mind if one week the soup is a flop and can’t be salvaged. Someone who laughs at my chronic overcooking and gets excited about a freezer stocked with potato kugel. Someone who doesn’t mind if I take a wrong turn and is content to get lost with me.

Had I known what the two of us would have gone through during these five years, I know for sure I would have smiled even bigger that day.