One of the hardest parts of parenting in modern times, for me, at least, is the visibility. All over the internet, people are monetizing their parenting. And good for them honestly. I’ve gotten so much information from tips and tricks for handling toddlers, to proper developmental milestones, and even how to feed picky eaters and develop critical thinking in kids. I’ve used a lot of advice I’ve come across online, from regulating my kids, to sleep training them properly, and so much more. 

Obviously I don’t use every bit of advice I come across online. I use my common sense and logic. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that I grew up with a mother deeply steeped in pedagogical training who basically taught me everything I know. It also doesn’t hurt that I’ve read parenting books and babysat for kids since I was 12 years old (and helped out when I was even younger). All this to say, no, I don’t just take everything I read online and run with it. Everything I read is taken with a grain of salt and adjusted to fit into my parenting paradigm. 

But sometimes seeing other people parenting online can feel overwhelming. Like I missed the day where everyone learned how to be a perfect parent. I see parents who are so together taking their kids berry picking Gimzu. The parents who planned this week out in excruciating detail six months ago. The parents who wake up in the morning with so much executive function that they take their kids out of the house somewhere that isn’t Osher Ad.

The thing that’s hard to remember is even someone posting parenting advice on the internet is a person too. 

Maybe they just share their parenting wins. Their kids communicating nicely even during a fight.  The beautiful Montessori playroom setup. The independent 18 month olds getting themselves dressed and cooking breakfast for the whole family. Because no one really wants to see the bad days. 

No one wants to hear about their parenting coach’s kid having 6 meltdowns within ten minutes. Sure, videos of kids dancing in the living room and playing nicely with their siblings are uplifting and sweet to see, but no one wants to see videos of toddlers throwing the 17th attempt at dinner on the floor. 

When someone posts a picture of them posing with their sweet kids where everyone is having so much fun, it’s easy to think their whole day went like that. You don’t see the tantrums on the way out of the door. You don’t see the screaming for snacks during the entire drive. The yelling “I want to get out!” while you’re trying to find a spot in a crowded IKEA parking lot. 

No one wants to see the floors filled with crumbs, the activities that kept the kids busy for approximately 13 seconds before the coffee went cold. (For people who drink their coffee hot. I am very proactive in this department and will only drink iced coffee).

No one sees the mental breakdown at the end of a long day of trying to regulate the kids while trying to keep yourself regulated so you don’t blow up while they freak out. No one sees the chain reaction of one kid’s screams making another kid scream. Or the siblings fighting over a toy that one of them had no interest in before their sibling wanted it. 

It may be fun to see moms baking chocolate chip muffins with veggies hidden in them, but not as cute when your kids reject them in favor of week-old cereal that’s been sitting in a plastic bag on the floor for who knows how long.

Sometimes it’s easy to look at this picture and wonder how everyone else seems to be doing just fine with things that feel so difficult. 

Maybe the people who look like they have it all together are really just sharing their highlights. Their parenting wins. Because the hard moments aren’t so fun to share.